And so....

We begin a new chapter . The Balls are tucked away for a bit while James and I venture into the theater armed with open minds , new tunes and a pack of sad , embarrassing , sexy and hopefully laugh-worthy moments from my life . My greatest hope is that everyone who comes to Crazy Enough doesn't leave the theater thinking I'm crazy , as much as I hope they leave knowing that they are not . Rehearsal starts tomorrow . Thank you all for loving my Balls and supporting me throughout the last few years . I've said it before , but without fans , I am only just so much hot air in the dark . See you out there . xoxoStorm posted by Storm at 09:15 on 03/09/09

The big Poop

AMERICA , F@CK YEAH!!! I feel hung over . Not from my glass of wine I half drank , half spilled while I spontaneously led 500 people in The National Anthem .... but from the crazy lead up to last night . My ouchy head and belly ache are from my O.D.ing on election coverage . I don't know about you , but I pumped WAY too much information into myself over these last many months . Not necessarily "facts" per se .... but information . From nice, crispy statistics and voting records , to the heavier punditry (on both sides) to deeply fried paranoid conspiracies to wild explorations into nasty schoolyard gossip . It was like I wanted a salad but stuffed my face with whatever fatty crap I could grab with greasy buffet tongs . I gobbled up everything on the internets and on the news . The war of words , even the made up , carefully mispronounced to sound more American-y words ... were yummy and addicting , but very nearly made me puke ..... a lot . I feel so much better today . To say the very least ... but I wonder why I stuffed myself so much on the good the bad and the rancid. Barack Obama was my guy early on . I was solid . Neither the news , the polls , nor discoveries of nefarious characters who played G'nip G'nop with my guy in grade school , were going to change my position . But I could not tear myself away from the endless flow of opinion and panicked conjecture crackling from everywhere . Why ? Because I was worried about THEM . The un decideds , the easily swayed , the mercurial , the fickle , those in a tortured love triangle with Bill O'Reilly and Kieth Olbermann . I pored over every minute of news cycle to see if I could read the writing on the situation room wall ... who was going to win ? The more I worried , the scarier it all got ... the scarier THEY got .... and the more scare-der THEY got of people like me . " I hate you" , "I hate you too" " ..... I hope your cat gets ass cancer , you bigot !" "You are a fucking gay terrorist baby raper!" " I LEARNED IT FROM YOU DAD! I LEARNED IT FROM YOU !!" and the like .... it got pretty yucky . But last night , there was a huge collective sigh of relief . The fear gave way to ecstatic cheering , tears of joy and one drunken patriotic sing-along . My fears went bye-bye . But what about the other guys ? This morning , I thought the Drudge Report would be a tire fire of panic , and the FOX News channel would either be those vertical color bars signaling they were off the air , or there would be a Mad Max type scene with blood , burnt walls and grainy footage of Anne Coulter shaving her head and Sean Hannity babbling incoherently while he ate his own testicles . To my great surprise , watching FOX news today , the mood was positively mellow . Ari Fleischer and Karl Rove were casually talking about the future of the republican party , the young rising stars ( Sarah Palin was not on that list , btw.... ) and the 2012 election . No bleeding walls , no burning bodies.....nobody was running around screaming about terrorists , reparations or anti American views .... they didn't look scared at all . It was downright jocular . I hope the amiable vibe over there catches on . John McCain's concession speech was a gracious moment , but I think he should do a bit more about healing the rift between his and the Obama voterratti . The rhetoric of fear and division that colored his and Gov. Palin's rallies was so jarring and nasty , they would do well to play peace makers now . I'm sure there is an enormous number of his supporters who are absolutely pooping their pants today , since enough of them believe that Barack Obama will give his first speech from the oval office in front of a huge inverted cross , then tear off his face revealing that he is really a Sleestack . The fear and pettiness are nowhere to be seen today , however . Today looks pretty good . My hangover will ease up .... until the news cycle picks up on something else to gorge myself on .... but today , I feel like I took a big ol' poo and the world is all sweetness and light . God bless America . Fuck yeah . posted by Storm at 12:46 on 11/05/08

Halloweener!

.....mmmmmmmm ..... weeners . We've got some good times ahead people . I'm talking about music , shows and Halloween , of course . No politics today . Starting tonight I am going on a news fast ... for a week . I have not slept well in days and my brain is packed with such paranoid squawking ... even the craziest conspiracy theories are starting to sound viable . I know how I am voting , I know where I will be on November 4th ... but I will be no good to anyone if I make myself sick over every twist and turn in the news and on the campaign trail . So no NY Times, no Drudge Report , no BBC , NPR , CNN , Rassmussen , Factcheck , Huffington Post or Daily Beast . No Ed Rollins , Anderson Cooper , Chris Buckley , Naomi Klein or Wolf ... and certainly no Hannity , Huckabee , Bachman or O'Reily . They also get a time out . Yes , I have been reading and watching all of that . Yes , I know , it is too much . No , I haven't been properly laid in awhile due to the completely anti sexual nature all of this information is . BUT THAT'S ALL GONNA CHANGE THIS WEEK! This week is all about putting on slutty clothes , doing my man proper and making music ! GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! James and I will be playing on Friday 10/24 at the Doug Fir to celebrate the release of (D)Early Departed . An album full of some of the best artists Portland has to offer , the proceeds from which go to our oldest and most beautiful cemetery , Lone Fir . Then on Thurs. 10/30 (technically 'Cabbage Night' for you East Coast transplants out there..) We're doing a sexy , stripped down pre Halloween party on the Portland Spirit . Then , on Election Day , I'm doing a reading at The Old Church for the Portland Theater Guild at 10AM .... later there will be a post election party at Grand Central Bowl . In between my reading and the party I will undoubtedly wear a hole in the floor from the pacing . Maybe I'll skip the party and just go to the beach ...wear a hole in the sand instead . Be well everyone , and stay calm . Take care of each other even if you are flying different colors from your neighbors. We all want what's best ....so do and be your best . See you out there (unless you are on the news ... in which case I will see you next week ...) xoxoStorm posted by Storm at 12:23 on 10/20/08

Rollins Interview

Henry Rollins does not seem to sleep . He can't . Maybe he won't , but while most of us talk about our great ideas and things we're going to do , he has already torn the ass out of ten projects, and is lining up the next batch for the pummeling . He's written eleven books of journal entries , poetry and sleep deprived reverie about life on tour , crushing loneliness and waking dreams that slip easily from hot to horrifying . He recently released three volumes of liner notes to roughly a bazillion songs from his radio show on L.A.s indie 103.1....songs we all need to hear before we die , or we will die lame . He has released seven performance DVDs and one of his talk show ," The Henry Rollins Show" , the second season of which is airing currently on the Independent Film Channel . Though his tour schedule is brutal , he finds time to blog , vlog , write articles , and if that weren't enough , he answers just about every fan email he gets , personally . At 47 , he's not gripping a pool ball or getting mauled and gobbed on at his performances anymore, but he's still fighting the man with all the piss and rage of a twenty year old . His latest show is "Recountdown 2008" to celebrate the Bush administration's impending limp out of office. Once again his scarred fist pumps a middle finger right at Karl , Dick and W (to name just a few) .. He screams "FUCK YOU!" with his entire , aching life of non stop work , pain , rock and murder . Why ? Because Henry Rollins cares about America . So much so , he loses sleep over it . S: Who do you think won the vice presidential debate ? HR: I don't think people can really win those things , but I think Sarah Palin was very well versed in the talking points she had very recently memorized and Joe Biden was very good at showing what he's known for many years . S: Around here I haven't personally met any undecided voters , but you've been on the road awhile , have you encountered any ? HR: A few , and they've mostly been women , and I don't know why that is . Sarah Palin's snarkiness comes off as confidence , comes off as knowledge , it's a good veneer and may get some votes . Where Joe Biden.... Joe is Joe in a way where he comes off as kind of flat footed . He's the guy in the Hawaiian Punch ad . He doesn't lower himself , but I like that . He's a real guy . When he got choked up , that was real . S: It WAS real and that's where Sarah Palin fucked herself , cause she had just finished saying what a mom she was , sitting at her kitchen table and blah blah blah , Biden chokes up about losing his wife and daughter , and she doesn't spend a nano second to offer condolences or even pretend to be a human . HR : Yes , but ...you read books . Please realize you are on kind of the edge of the bell curve . You aren't the Big Mac inhaling , middle of the road person . When you see that you say "Wow . What an asshole ." A lot of Americans don't see that . Facts don't resonate with most Americans the way " I'm a hockey mom " does . She's got big balls and digs herself and that works for some people . What I took from the presidential debate was that Barack Obama and John McCain are both decent men who both love America . I don't hate John McCain , I just don't like where he wants to take my country . He wants to drag me kicking and screaming back into the 80s and I don't even wanna watch it in a rerun . He's bragging about not knowing how to use a computer and I'm like , Pal , lose the gills and the tail , come out of the muck and join us up here . S: You have been really political ever since you put your mouth to a microphone, when did you consciously turn your art into activism ? HR: After seeing more stuff in the world , after seeing Africa , India , South America , places that have been really hard hit , where you see people really struggling, then you come back to your wonderful America and you see a guy on a treadmill trying to run the fat off his body because he eats too much . No one in Calcutta gets to have that problem . When you see what globalization looks like , it puts you in a geo political frame of mind . S: I catch a lot of shit for being politically vocal . Recently a guy essentially wrote me telling me to shut up and sing . Why is it entertainers are supposed to keep neutral ? HR: Some of it's jealousy , some of it is you get paid to shut up and sing . Basically , the short version of it is , they're trying to marginalize you ....but that guy telling you to shut up , I don't want him to shut up either . S: Oh , absolutely . I wrote him back and said ' isn't it so great we both get to express our opinions here?' HR: I support Rush Limbaugh , I can only take about thirty seconds of him , then I gotta go , but , long may he wave . S: Speaking of thirty seconds of Rush ... I may be bias , but it seems to me the funniest people in the world are left leaning and conservatives kind of suck at comedy .... why is that ? HR : I will paraphrase Janine Garafolo when she said " You know what all your republican friends have in common? They're all kinda dicks ." They can't be funny , they're mean , and they should be largely ignored . S: This election has got people so twisted with rage (a good thing that it motivates otherwise apathetic people)But I hear and see the same animals using threats and condescension to assert their position . There is so much vitriol on both sides , we wanna be right so badly we're ready to kill each other to make it so . HR: I think the motives on both sides are different . The outrage coming from the left is more coming from" You guys don't play fair ! What's up with that ?" and when it comes from the right it's like " Shut up , faggot . " The right have such contempt for government , that's why they cheat , because they don't like government . Read the "Wrecking Crew" it's about Lobbyists and the senators who love them . The Norquists and the Tom Delays , these semi overweight rich white guys with a lot of hate . There's no talking to these people . They know better , but they don't care . That's why they cheat . S: So how do we fight the bullshit punditry , the spin and intimidation without looking like the same thing only flying different colors ? HR: You keep fighting the good fight , you keep helping your fellow countrymen . You basically keep doing what you're doing . Look at all the young people voting now , who know a damn thing or two about politics . Look at all the young people showing up at rallies for both Obama and McCain . That's the upshot , so I think the future is very bright . McCains America is going away , like a relic , like stoning or putting leeches on your face for a cold . S: But the proverbial "they" can spin and spin until propaganda looks like fact , and going to the beginning of this conversation talking about Palin , most people will buy what is easy . HR : They'll buy it til' they're broke . That's the awful bottom line that these people are gonna have to hit . It's the two million dollars worth of coke they're gonna have to go through to realize that coke is a dead end . S: I guess so . As frightening and unfortunate as it is , you sometimes have to burn a field in order for it to be able to grow and produce again , destruction being integral to re-creation . HR: Yeah , America is perhaps at the slow push down of the reset switch , and there's gonna be some turbulence , and there's gonna be some arms torn off in the machine , but hopefully the next generation says , " Not on my watch " . And that's why you have to keep telling the truth and keep standing up . Don't submit to intimidation or those who say " Shut up bitch." S: Yeah , it's funny when I get in a guys face , where a minute ago he wanted to bend me over , but in an argument I get fatter , uglier and older and suddenly , I'm a bitch . HR : Well , the male ego is very fragile . S: So is the woman's . We're just better liars . HR: I .... um .... have no comment . Henry Rollins will be at the Newmark Theater in Portland Oregon Monday , October 13th at 8PM . Tickets are $28.00. Sadly , I will be hosting Willamette Week's CANDIDATES GONE WILD at the exact same time at the Roseland Theater,$5.00 benefiting the Bus Project . Peace out and love thy neighbor no matter how they vote . xoStorm posted by Storm at 11:14 on 10/06/08

Michael Moore

Michael Moore's two cents: "NOTHING in this "bailout" package will lower the price of the gas you have to put in your car to get to work. NOTHING in this bill will protect you from losing your home. NOTHING in this bill will give you health insurance. Health insurance? Mike, why are you bringing this up? What's this got to do with the Wall Street collapse? It has everything to do with it. This so-called "collapse" was triggered by the massive defaulting and foreclosures going on with people's home mortgages. Do you know why so many Americans are losing their homes? To hear the Republicans describe it, it's because too many working class idiots were given mortgages that they really couldn't afford. Here's the truth: The number one cause of people declaring bankruptcy is because of medical bills. Let me state this simply: If we had had universal health coverage, this mortgage "crisis" may never have happened." --------------------------------------------- Storm's two and a half cents: He's absolutely right about the healthcare issue . However , the reason for the banks shutting down is their fangs , though hollow tipped and adept at sucking , cannot get blood from turnips ..... try as they might . Meaning , normal folks (like myself) were offered a chance to own our own home at outrageously low ( or no ) down payment with introductory rates that made mortgages seem totally doable . We , as home buyers , aren't necessarily idiots , but it seems we did let life get in the way of our attention to detail . That was our fault . 3 and 5 year arms expire , and suddenly , your $900.00 " Dude it's cheaper than my last apartment ... ! " mortgage for your three bedroom house goes up to what it is supposed to be ,(1200-1400 a month ) . We cannot cry foul because we KNEW our low low "what a screamin' deal! " mortgage was to last only three to five years . Buying a house is a complicated process , TONS of paperwork ... and if you do something that huge and not know exactly what you're in for , and you don't know the difference between "fixed" and "variable" then shame on you . Before the mess hit the news nearly a year ago about the mortgage crisis , people were getting ready to lose their homes . They KNEW their mortgages were going to go up and when . The lenders didn't randomly change their fees on us , it's in our paperwork . But here's where the banks can stop blaming us and fucking off with their fang-ed selves . When it was a nationwide situation that a vast majority of recently purchased homes were being foreclosed upon , the lenders and banks , who have shitloads of ... what's that thing called ? Oh yeah ... INSURANCE ... could've put a freeze on interest rates and worked WITH the panicking families instead of being all hardcore about getting them out of their houses so they could sell them to someone else . Someone else being .... ? All those amazing deal loans were now dried up and lenders required a 10-20% down payment in order to feel comfy about giving a loan to anyone . Even though the mortgage situation had stalled real estate prices , in much of the country , prices even went down ,the folks who have $20- $40,000 in liquid assets looking for a new house weren't super plentiful . So the banks foreclosed like they were trying to win a contest . The average cost of foreclosure per house ? $250,000.00 (based on median prices) that's what the banks paid to buy them back when no one else could ... and this happened over and over again .The banks spending assloads of money buying back these friggin houses until ... " Hey , this is SUPER expensive .....we can't really afford anymore ... ummmm , can someone help a brother out ? " So here we are , homeowners and renters alike .... giving more money to those fucks . And unlike the squinty eyed evildoer in the old time-y films , who ties the blonde to the railroad tracks , they'll get away with it . The smiling mountie on his horse isn't going to ride in to save Nell , nope , Nells blond little brains will be mashed out by a big , greedy train while the mountie and the evildoer are 69 ing in a huge pile of bloody and brain soaked cash . I have no idea what the whole financial crisis is about ( after all , I'm just a trampy entertainer , really....) but I do know a bit about real estate . I also know that we Americans really like to have stuff . Especially if it's expensive . And for some reason , we spend like crazy and cry when the bill comes ... well get some kleenex , 'cause here comes the waiter . At least Chevron is still in the black . They work so hard , those kids . xoxoStormer posted by Storm at 10:26 on 09/29/08

Motley Kleveland!

My old buddy Tommy Lee... ...is still kicking ass in the Crue and is now a long lean green machine with Ludacris on their new show .... along with a zillion other things he's probably rockin' under the radar . That man is nothing if not a tattooed blur of constant creative activity . I love that about him . The other thing I love is his constant burn to share the love and good times he works so hard for himself . While we were on the show , he would ask all of us , at every opportunity , if we were having fun . It's on his short list of life priorities , behind music and his children ( who are , naturally , 1 ) . Which brings me to my point of all this : The " Make Rock History " contest . Once again Tommy and Crue looking to share the good times and the big stage , by seeking out the best unsigned bands to give them a chance to open for them in their massive '09 arena tour . Please vote for my friends in KLEVELAND . They are young , hot , they frikken rock and are super talented . I heart them bunches . I know Tommy will too . Just click the link below and git er done . And send T. Lee my love ... xoStormer --------------------------------------------------------------------- There are only 5 days left!!....so gather the troops and help send us on tour with MOTLEY CRUE!!! This would be the experience of our lives.... AHHHHH.... Let's flex the voting muscle (in training for the upcoming election...) because we would kick some ass on the road with them..... surely if the Republicans can nominate a woman V.P., Motley Crue can play with a woman....let's do this!!! click on the link, do a quick registration, and you can vote everyday...... http://www.makerockhistory.com/backstag ... t_id=22743 thank you for your help shout at the devil...... xo Kleveland Source posted by Storm at 10:41 on 09/23/08

Me and my friends

Yo kiddies ! Long time , no blog . I just finished a round of amazing fundraisers with my Balls , one for my friends , one for the kids and one doozy of a gig that raised more than $18,000.00 for AIDS research . Good times and great causes . Now I'm back at the work table writing and writing in preparation for the workshop at PCS entitled JAW ( Just Add Water ) . Where I will be working with my director and other talented writers (read people who KNOW what they're doing) and work on getting " Crazy Enough" on its feet . The first reading will be Saturday , July the 19th at 2PM in the studio theater . But enough about me . My great friend and honorary Ball , Kleveland's own , Stephanie Smith , has shot , edited and posted he new video for " You're Not Sorry " on her MySpace . Hot girls , cars , vampires and one dead DJ? Dude . Check it out . http://www.myspace.com/kleveland Another good friend from the RSSN camp , Lucas Rossi and his beautiful new band Stars Down are at the Viper Room this Saturday , June 21st . Besides the band being easy on the eyes , the music is sparkly dark , and full of lush harmonies . It's very passionate music and Lucas sings his little ass right off all night long . The Viper Room has such great sound , it will be a mad joy to experience . Check them out : http://www.myspace.com/starsdownmusic Enjoy my friends , and enjoy the day ! See you out there , xoStorm posted by Storm at 03:33 on 06/21/08

So Tardy .

I am very late in thanking everyone who came out to party with us these last few shows . Here's a recap : Mississippi . So cool . I was really nervous and super chatty all night , I might have been extra gross at times... but the new songs went over very well , I think . Stink , thanks for representing the absentee boarders , you are one thinky Stink! And I LOVED my roses , I dunno who orchestrated that , I heard Kadee was one culprit , but , they are in my livingroom not being allowed to die . So thank you for them . Portland Teen Idol . I've performed with Nina Hagen , John Doe , Dave Navarro and Hank III . But getting up to sing after some of those kids ? I was totally self conscious and felt like an ass . THEY WERE SO GOOD! I wish I had had some kind of creative outlet like that when I was 14 , or folks who pushed me and supported me in finding my own voice . What a great thing they are doing for those kids ... you will get to see some of them perform with me again for the Christmas show this year . Prepare to be stunned . Castcade AIDS benefit . We raised more than $18,000.00 for Aids research by auctioning off a private concert that was held in the Laurence Gallery on Fathers Day . Poor Davey was so tired , but he rallied and came down , as did Steph from Kleveland to donate their skills to the cause . My goodness , I do love the intimate setting for a show . So now I'm back on my schedule of writing for a few hours in the morning , trying to get some exercise , not drinking and endeavoring to not lose it while the clock ticks down to JAW Festival . That's it for now , Lovelies . See you out there . xoStorm posted by Storm at 11:41 on 06/17/08

BEST WEEK EVER.

After a long and exhausting build up to Candidates Gone Wild , the show itself was a huge success . Thank GOD ... I was sooo nervous . You have NO idea how many people worked so frigging hard to get that monster on its feet , and they were all counting on me to run the thing . Yikes . Happily , I didn't screw up on the show was AWESOME and so much fun . We have some pretty dope candidates .... Sam , Randy Leonard , Amanda Fritz and Nick Fish were all my favorites . John Branham is also a good candidate ... he took a deep screwing onstage and responded with grace and cool humility . He's pretty sharp , that one . Then I'm off to LA for my secret mission . Not like Davey's ultimatum ... but more secret because it was lining up to be so amazing , that I was scared to talk about it for fear it wouldn't happen . Well , it happened . Our buddy JT , (who's turning 50 on May 10th at a huge bash at Dante's ... I'll see you there .) he had a friend on tour with the Legendary John Doe (ummm ... X , anyone ?) Anyway , rewind 7 years and I wrote a song that was a bit different from the style I was performing at the time , called "Drive Away " . A good song that swept nicely into another I had written called "Under You" ... they're sister songs I guess ... but under you grew up and left home , while drive away stayed a baby . Anyways , I revisited the song last year and thought ... this would be hot as a duet . On more meditation I thought ... this would be great with John Doe's voice . On a whim I put out some feelers . I had heard that John Doe was a famously warm and approachable man ... what's the harm in asking ? Soon after , J.T. got back to me that he could get a message to him . Within a week I sent an MP3 to the man himself . As I sit here 8 months after our initial contact , with a hot cup of coffee , Davey blogging next to me , in Stephanie's parents' living room ,I can now safely announce: OH MY GOD WE RECORDED MY SONG WITH JOHN DOE YESTERDAY AND IT WAS AMAZING !!!! To make it even cooler , I had Davey on Bass , Steph on Guitar , our bestest buddy Greg Eklund on drums and we recorded at the Foo Fighters studio with the Southern miracle known as "Lou" manning the board . This has been the best trip ever . I got to see the whole house band , stayed with Paul and his family for a spell , went to a taping of Rock The Cradle ...not nearly the train wreck I expected , it was really fun . The House Band . I just don't have the time or room to express just how ridiculously good those guys are ... I love them so . Later I went to see Lukas' new band " Stars Down " . I was with Toby and his hilarious JK band mates , we had a bawdy good time .However , when Luke hit the stage , both Toby and I stood stock still , side by side in the balcony and just stared and listened . Every now and then glancing at one another mouthing "Awesome" or "Oh. My.God." Lukas has put together a righteous bunch of players and I caught myself tearing up a bit at how happy I was for him . He has really good people around him and it shows . His lush , melodic song after song onslaught was a joy to experience . Yeah , maybe I'm bias , but that little fuck can sing and put together a gorgeous phrase that pokes you in the squishy bits . I'm so happy for him . It was great to see Toby as well , he's doing great and is as wonderfully revolting as always . All my love and gratitude to Davey , Steph , (and Smith family) , Greg , Paul and my sister-wife Michelle and the goils , the House Band, JT , John Doe , The Foo Fighters , LOU! , Lukas , Kendra and that pig dog Toby Rand . All in all , it's been the best week ever this year (so far) . Here's to what comes next ! See you out there , xoxoStormer posted by Storm at 10:55 on 05/05/08

Madge...

Madonna is ten years older than me (maybe 11) ... and she has always been in my periphery . Not sure why . I guess I was a little into Desperately Seeking Susan , and I did had an 80s flop of bleached hair over one eye and fake black Ray Bans . I kinda wanted to be hot like her . Confident , iconic , sexy but not passively so , not " Oh yeah ... take me stud ..." but more " You WILL take me , because I say so , and by taking me , stud , you will thusly be taken yourself ." She was the slutty siren we all admired ... all us 14 year olds , that is . I bring this random thing up because I'm listening to a pile of old Madonna stuff and I'm grinning like a goofball . I realize that I love Madonna and always have . Not for any musical brilliance or anything , but she is the coolest and cleanest dirty bitch having fun at the expense of her critics , splashing about in the public eye and has always been totally applauded celebrated and richly rewarded. Even her scandals are super sanitized publicity blips that just come and go like minor speed bumps on the way to her fat ass castle full of awesomeness . She's an ok singer with decent pop songs and an assload of horrible movies , but I fricken LOVE Madonna , and I don't care who knows it . That is just something I figured out just now . It just happened . I guess I've been writing WAYYY too much about myself and needed to go look at some one else . Go Madonna ! xoS posted by Storm at 10:55 on 04/25/08

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